Rocky Road

Life as been quite a rocky road this last month or so. Charlie and I have not been getting along as I had hoped we would, I figured life would be like the 4 years we lived together in Canada. Sadly it's not we both have distanced ourselves from each other and it's taking a toll on the relationship.  We both know we want to be together and wok on it so we can have a future but we don't exactly know how to. This past weekend his parents actually asked us if we seriously wanted to be together and if we can make it work. That was a huge kick in the face to me, I just figured that we were hiding our unhappiness with each other really well apparently not. We were wearing it on our sleeves for all to see. I want Nolan to know both sides of his family not just mine, I also want Nolan to have his father in his life. We have to figure this out somehow. We were supposed to get married this coming weekend but again it's not up to us on the date so it has been moved again another 3 weeks back. I just would love to be able to plan something myself and not have to rely on his parents to plan it, I don't even want any people there when we get married but of course his parents have invited people. It makes me want to cry that I have no say in whats supposed to be one of the best days of my life.
On another note Nolan can officially swim and go under water with a life jacket on, he's progressed so much it makes my heart swell. He loves swimming you could color him green and web his hands and toes and he'd be a frog lol. 

I just want all this stress of becoming a citizen to be over so we can move on with our lives. So we can stop living on eggshells and be genuinely happy and carefree instead of having the thought of what if I don't get accepted and have to go back to Canada and be without the man I love in the back of our minds all the time. I am afraid to let my guard down only to be hurt again.