life as we know it.

You ever wonder why people cannot just live life like its the last day they have? I wonder that all the time, I am the kind of person that if something looks fun I am going to do it. I could careless if it's gonna take me a half day to clean the mess I made up, If I am having fun thats all that matters. Charlie is completely the opposite he would rather keep things clean and dust free and get enjoyment out of that. He has trouble just having fun and letting all his inhibitions go for that one moment of true happiness. If we all just let go and had a moment of true happiness a day if only for a moment, I think the world would be a generally happier place. I am finding that there are alot of unhappy people around. I have also come to the conclusion that in america if "you" don't have alot of money you lead a shitty life. it's just an observation I have made. I don't think people need money to have fun, I can have fun just by going for a walk in the woods I actually feel almost at peace in the forest it brings me back to Canada for that moment in time. I am still missing my family alot I still talk to my grandma everyday and sometimes my uncle, it's not as bad as it was in the beginning, writing this about missing them makes me cry but I have not cryed about missing them for a little while now. Halloween was so fun with Nolan he dressed up like a dragon. He had alot of fun. There was a house that made my day they called Nolan back to give him more candy because he had good manners, the best they had seen all night is what they said. That made my whole night, It made me feel so good that all my work teaching him them had payed off that it does matter. Maybe there is a chance for our kids to change the world back to how it was. When we knew we had better respect our elders, when we opened doors for people, Said please and thank you, smiled and said hello to people walking by. I hope thats not too much to want for the future.

wedding jitters

Well I get married on Saturday, kind of nervous. Wondering if I really want to now, if I can deal with being with charlie for the rest of my life. I love him don't get me wrong but I am 25 I have many more years left, it scares me that its such a long commitment. Nolan is going to wear the cutest suit its adorable, he has asked me to do his hair fancy "spiked but fancy to him i guess lol". We go get the ring tonight he really waited till the last min on this one hopefully they can size it by Friday night when we leave. I doubt it will be but whatever it will just make him look like the fool not me, as you can tell I am quite annoyed that Charlie waited this long to go ring shopping. I bought his ring in july so that if anything was wrong with it i had time to fix it. well I have to go get nolan ready to go out will write about all the details later next week

Forget snakes on a plane

So I have been quite enjoying the wonderful weather on the weekends here, We have used it to go swimming every weekend. So this weekend we had our first snake issues, on Saturday I went and emptied the skimmer when we got there and found a dead frog, So I took it and disposed of it. We (Nolan and I) then got in to swim and about 3 hours later Charlies dad aka Papa came and emptied it again and told me that there was another dead frog. Well turns out that the dead frog he got out was a baby copperhead that had decided to go swimming with us while we were in the pool, thankfully nether of us got bit by it nor did we see it. So on Sunday we were in the pool again and this time Charlies mom aka Grannie was swimming with us, we had been in the pool for about an hour and all of a sudden I see a blur and hear a small splash followed by "Get the fuck outta the pool, There is a snake in it". I should state that Nolan and I were sitting on the seat under the waterfall so it's in the deepend which happens to be the farthest from the exit. So I see the snake heading towards Nolan and I now and not heading for the exit, So I shove off the seat and start swimming and pushing nolan towards the exit, but soon found out I was not moving as fast as I wanted to so I told Grannie to help me with Nolan and she jumped back in and grabbed him. We made it to the exit in what seemed like 5 mins but I know it was at most a min and a half, All of us huddled in the top step shaking and crying due to the frightening experience of not knowing if it was venomous or not. We called papa who had rode his motorcycle over to see how Charlie was making out building a garden wall for his uncle. Papa said he was on his way over and we took the time to calm down and figure out what kind of snake it was, too great relief it was only a 4 foot long black snake but it could have been something else not so friendly we are very lucky. It took Papa about 45 mins to get this snake out of the pool and dispose of it, We didn't go swimming for the rest of the day and have gotten Snake-A-Way to put out in the yard so this hopefully never happens again. It was very scary due to the possibility of it being venomous, all that went through my head is if it's gonna bite us please bite me and not Nolan. I am not used to all these snakes Canada has snakes but 1 kind of rattle snake that is so rarely seen that most people don't even know about it. Grannie and Papa said this is the most snake activity that they have had in the 6 years of having the pool, Grannie has had only one snake come in the pool before while she was in it. But to Nolan and I this is all new we are not experienced at snakes jumping in the pool to swim with us. So from now on I think I will stay in the shallow area close to the exit.

Rocky Road

Life as been quite a rocky road this last month or so. Charlie and I have not been getting along as I had hoped we would, I figured life would be like the 4 years we lived together in Canada. Sadly it's not we both have distanced ourselves from each other and it's taking a toll on the relationship.  We both know we want to be together and wok on it so we can have a future but we don't exactly know how to. This past weekend his parents actually asked us if we seriously wanted to be together and if we can make it work. That was a huge kick in the face to me, I just figured that we were hiding our unhappiness with each other really well apparently not. We were wearing it on our sleeves for all to see. I want Nolan to know both sides of his family not just mine, I also want Nolan to have his father in his life. We have to figure this out somehow. We were supposed to get married this coming weekend but again it's not up to us on the date so it has been moved again another 3 weeks back. I just would love to be able to plan something myself and not have to rely on his parents to plan it, I don't even want any people there when we get married but of course his parents have invited people. It makes me want to cry that I have no say in whats supposed to be one of the best days of my life.
On another note Nolan can officially swim and go under water with a life jacket on, he's progressed so much it makes my heart swell. He loves swimming you could color him green and web his hands and toes and he'd be a frog lol. 

I just want all this stress of becoming a citizen to be over so we can move on with our lives. So we can stop living on eggshells and be genuinely happy and carefree instead of having the thought of what if I don't get accepted and have to go back to Canada and be without the man I love in the back of our minds all the time. I am afraid to let my guard down only to be hurt again. 

Decided to add a cat

So after alot of discussion Charlie and I have finally agreed to get a kitten, we decided to get a Sphynx or a Bengal. We have informed Nolan of us going to inquire about kittens and all he could say was that he wanted to name it horse, I don't know where he got horse from but if that's what he wants then we are going to  consider it.  We are now in the process of looking for a breeder and whatever one we think is a good fit for us, we will then put a deposit down for a kitten.  It's been really hard lately to get Charlie on the same page as me for disciplining Nolan, I don't want to be the parent that spanks or yells at him. I use the naughty stair and it works really well for Nolan, he realizes that what he was doing is not OK and he doesn't do it again until he forgets about it. But Charlie would rather raise his voice to him and I really don't like it, I grew up in a household that all my mom did was yell and cuss at us and I really don't want Nolan growing up like that. I have tried to explain to Charlie just tell him no calmly and move him to the naughty stair but Charlie just goes and says hes too tired from work. I feel am starting to feel like in away this might have been a mistake to come down here after only a 3 week visit with him since he moved back to Georgia from Canada. I want Nolan to have the best possible childhood and not have one like Charlie or I had growing up, it's also getting to me that Charlies parents don't want Nolan disciplined around them "because it's time to visit with them not be punished" is what we have been told. Well first of all they have a pool and hot tub that is at ground level and all Nolan has to do is loose his balance and go head first in the pool, and I don't care how much money they have if Nolan is ruining something that belongs to them I am going to discipline him for it because it's not OK to destroy stuff. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place because all I want is for our family to be together but I am feeling almost like I have no say in how my son is raised due to their laziness and views.  I am also getting annoyed at the fact that Charlies parents bought the house we live in and his car and pay all the bills, I am fine with that whats annoying is that they think they have the right to tell me when the wedding is going to be and who all is coming. NEWS FLASH I am the type of person if I am told all the plans that have to do with our wedding that I am just going to wear the most fucked up outfit possible, I have no issue going and getting married in my bathrobe just to prove a point. This wedding was supposed to be and eloping type of deal and now it's all the family is coming and all this shit. I will prove them they cannot boss me around like they do their son, I am not some push over whos gonna bow down to someone just because they have money.

I have been really slacking on posts and I am sorry for that. I have been quite busy, we went to Kentucky, Nolan has had strep then when he got all better he got some other cold type illness that had his temperature at 102.8 So ts been kinda crazy. So I will start with Kentucky we went for the long weekend and i have now officially met Charlies other side of the family, I don't know why I was so stressed out about it because they were amazingly friendly and so sweet to Nolan and I. He has one of the coolest families I have met in my life they all get along and are funny as hell man. I cannot wait to go hang out with them again. So Nolan being sick has been quite the experience I should start off by saying that Nolans only ever been sick maybe 4 times and had antibiotics twice now, So it was quite a new thing for me, it was so sad for me to sit and watch him be all wheezy and congested. So he educated himself on the show Whale Wars on Animal planet, at time he got so into it he would start yelling at them no fighting. hes finally getting better now hes still congested but 100 times better than he was.
So Nolan and I both have come to the conclusion that it's so freaking hot here we might melt, Canada gets hot but this is a whole different kinda hot like in the 100's hot and it was still May when this was happening, At this moment I would pay crazy money for it to snow here lol. i know it will never happen but shit I can wish. 
It's also getting harder and harder to even speak of my family I really miss  them, I just want to hug them. I miss my uncle alot and I don't get to talk to him that much because its really hard for him, He was super close to Nolan, like he was Nolans male influence for a year. Nolan would call my uncle and talk to him and get so excited to see him and go in his truck, or go to the cottage with him. My life would be perfect if I could live down here and my family did as well. Nolan was swinging last night and asked me if he could go to uncle ray rays house. Every black or brown dog is ether Sam or Georgia to him it breaks my heart.

Nolan is no longer afraid of going in the car wash, he watched SharkTales and thinks its the Whale wash from the movie, so everytime we get in the car he asks if we can go to the car wash, which is better than him covering his eyes and shaking due to fright.  
I wish there was an app for blogger that I could post from that way I could just post more often and wouldn't need to get to the comp at home when I had a free moment in the car I could do it. Well I shall try to keep updating more regularly
Ta Ta For Now

Fish multiplying faster than the water can flow

So life has been crazy since I posted last, Nolan has got strep, Charlie and I hit a rocky patch for about a week, I feel I am dying inside due to the lack of physical and visual contact with my family. We got Nolan some Dalmation mollies the fish and within 4 days we now have 9 more so 12 in total now.  My family is going to the cottage this weekend for the whole weekend and I really want to go and celebrate my birthday there. My birthday present is a dishwasher how fucking step-ford wife is that, like common go buy me a tattoo or something not some dumb ass dishwasher don't get me wrong I am glad to not have to wash all the dishes all the time but it just reminds me of how old I am getting. If I could create a play-list for the last week it would be some super angry rock music fallowed by some super sappy heartbroken stuff. On the other hand I just got a Wii and Wii fit plus thanks to the future in laws, I have been trying to keep a schedule of working out and they thought it would help me. We are going to the Georgia Aquarium this Saturday I think I am more excited than Nolan is. Well Nolan wants to cuddle so gotta go

Dog shit galore!

Just as I was getting comfortable with Nolan playing outside in his grandparents backyard they find a water moccasin.  Oh the stress of living where there are venomous snakes and poisonous spiders is nerve racking, Find snakes in the backyard and spiders in the house. Where the hell is safe for a 2 year old to play?

Cannot go to the park because the nasty people who live in this subdivision, Think it's OK to use the wood chip stuff on the ground as a dog litter box. Like common you have a back yard why don't you just let them shit there and not pick it up, do you enjoy watching kids play where your dog shits? I don't understand the dog owners here why have a dog if you cannot take responsibility for what it does? Are you ashamed to pick it up in public? if so take the dog to your back yard. And to top it off when called out about it they say "ohh I forgot a bag", really cause I am pretty sure if I didn't say anything about it the shit would still be there in the morning.

I cannot believe it's Easter this weekend I feel like I just got here a week ago. How has it gone by so quickly?  I have gotten used to not expecting to see my Grandma and Uncle on the weekends though it still hurts to think of them, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry some days I miss them so much.  I talk to her everyday but it still hurts alot, I just want to go hug her and see her in person. I am trying to not think about when it will be the next time I see my family, It was my moms Birthday yesterday I called her and wished her a Happy Birthday. Every time I talk to my mom she cries it makes me hurt that much more, I couldn't imagine what it would be like if Nolan moved away so I know what they must feel. Nolan is adjusting find though he does ask for them alot in the day and when I talk to them he does too, I think he really misses my Uncle he was the closest to him and when Nolan speaks to my Grandma he always asks for him. I can feel myself getting more and more homesick even though this is my new home, it's wonderful here don't get me wrong I just miss my family.

Bought the new Cage the Elephant CD today amazing is all I have to say about it!! Also started shopping for Nolans Easter, Got Charlie finished and now it's just the rest of Nolans stuff to get tomorrow.

Well gotta go save the rest for another day!!

Long time no type

It's been a little while since I updated last, We are now in Georgia and have met with lawyers. We have set a date to get married, and only have to go pick out rings now. It\s crazy living here is such a product shock, I went to get Nolan "cheesy noodles" Kraft Dinner and cannot seem to find it anywhere. I am also dying for Tim Horton's, these coffee places suck I have come to the conclusion that I am gonna have to ship timmies down here. I miss my family but am finding a great comfort in talking to them everyday, Nolan misses them a lot too he talks to them on his toy phone and tells them he misses them too.  Some days I just wish I could jump on a bus and go see them for a few hours. It's definitely nice here we finally got Nolan his new bedroom outft so now he has a big boy bed, It's a twin bedroom outfit that's NFL themed. We got him a outer space sheet set and I just noticed it glows in the dark. Well I promise to write more often now that we are settled in.

How do I say goodbye?

Where do I begin to say goodbye? How do I go without saying goodbye and leaving them to think I am coming back in 2 months. It's hitting me like a ton of bricks now that I have just over a week left with my family, I know it's not forever but I also know that if I tell them before I go it will crush them. I am still stuck and would love someone to just give me an opinion. ughhh why is it so complicated?

Less than 2 weeks

Holy, Where has it gone? I am trying to contain my excitement about leaving to live in Georgia, It's working so far. AHHHHHH I am soo excited wow. I cannot wait to go buy all new summer clothes and sandles. To finally be able to curl up on the couch and watch a movie in Charlies arms again, To have Nolan,Charlie and I do family things again |EEEk it's going to be great again. As you can clearly tell it's sooo not working. Nolan is getting excited too, he knows when we get there we are going to the Georgia Aquarium to see the whale sharks and daddy. Let the count down begin!!

Time speeding by!

Time is speeding by, I have this weekend and next weekend with my family then Saturday the 2nd we fly out. Where did the time go? I still have not bought all the boxes I need to ship Nolans toys and my clothes, I still have to go to donate a ton of stuff! As it gets closer I find myself becoming more and more calm about leaving, though you would think it would be opposite seeing as I have told no one but Mel and mentioned it to my Grandma. I think I am just getting really excited to finally live with Charlie again and be the family that we once were. I have been looking at things to do and have made a list of stuff, kind of like a bucket list but a bucket list for the rest of the year. I want to go to the Georgia aquarium, eat alligator and snake, have turtle soup, go to the ocean, buy a German Sheppard, hopefully go to school while there or at least take a course on something, and try to get a job at a tattoo parlor and become an apprentice. Those are the things I would like to accomplish before 2011 is over.

Yesterday I had to go pick out my frames for glasses at the mall, I had them growing up but when I went to the eye doc last he said my eyes were fine. So 5 years later I am back at the eye doc and shes telling me I need them again! The same prescription that I had, It makes me wonder if I needed them all along. But anyway I picked out these super cute black and purple Ray-Bans, I love them, finally for the first time ever I found a pair that I actually love and not just like. If I was a little more blog smart I would post a pick of them but |I have no idea on how to do that so.

While in the mall we saw a reptile zoo that was there for march break. Nolan got so excited to see the stuff, The staff let him touch an alligator, and 2 snakes he was over the moon with excitement. He kept telling my grandmother about the snakes and that he touched them it was too cute. 

Ordered a super cool watch today off the internet, it's the type where you can see the gears moving and such. I am so stoked for it, my last watch I fell in love with was a Timex iron man, I love it so much every time it died or I broke it, I would buy the same one. But I finally found a super nice looking one. I also bought a bracelet and pendent. the bracelet is a basic one that I can put charms on and the pendent is a mickey mouse silhouette, with a black smaller silhouette on top of that with swarovski crystals in that.

I think I am revealing stress by shopping eeek what a horrible idea!!
Well that concludes this blog entry!!

Packing

Well I started packing my stuff today, I will be shipping the boxes later this week. I didn't think it would sneek up on us so fast, it seemed like so long when we first made the plans. So we spoke to the lawyer today he said it will take about 8 months to get the green card, And that we should apply for a fiancee visa and it could make it go faster. It's not like we have not talked about getting married before we just couldn't find the time, I told Charlie if he goes and makes some huge deal asking me to marry him I will tell him no. I am not the kind of person who deals well with being put on the spot in public, unless it's for comedic reasons. I still have not told most of my family, I spoke to my grandmother about it and I did tell her but it crushed her, she said she was going to have to space herself from us because it hurt her to much, I couldn't deal with that so I told her the next day that I was just going for 2 months and then would decide. I know it was really wrong of me to do that to her and it will most likely make it harder but I need to spend as much time with her and my uncle as possible before we leave.

I looked at phone plans today WTF is with Sprint and no IPhone? I have to go with Sprint as I am being put on Charlies parents company phone plan, But common who doesn't carry the IPhone it's the best one out there. I don't care for the android phones and that's all they seem to have, they don't even carry good BlackBerrys. All the phones I looked at have ether no flash for the camera, or are just ridiculously ugly and not practical for me. I think I am going to go with the HTC EVO 4G I don't like it but it seems to be the only good one they offer.

common sense?

So today when talking about moving, I saw tears come to the strongest man I knows eyes. He is the most relaxed person, most calm easy going person that you could ever meet, He's my Uncle. As the time to move comes closer I am somewhat questioning my decision to go, I am even going to pay my rent until July that way if I change my mind Nolan and I still have a place to come back to. Charlie and I have had a rough couple years, his sponsorship got denied, he got deported from Canada, He became a person I didn't know. We got in a huge fight and when I decided to leave to get away from the arguing he freaked and jumped on my back to take the phone from me so I couldn't call anyone, to go stay there. I called the police he was charged and got probation. He has definitely changed he's a lot more relaxed, and calm I assume it's due to the lack of stress. But I cannot stop wondering what if we just cannot get along? What if we have no connection living together? It has been a year April since we lived together. I don't know if this is stress and my anxiety talking or common sense? How do I know if this is right? what if I make the wrong decision it affects Nolan too not just me.

Questions going unanswered

So I think I found a new home for the cats, my mom oh so kindly left at my house when I was away.  I am hoping that the people come through as I don't want to just drop them off at a shelter. Today Nolan decided he was going to try and make his own food, he got into everything. So I saw my friend Melanie today, She has been with me through a lot in my life and I think her and Jodi will be the ones I have the hardest time saying goodbye to out of my friends. She has a young son who is 3 weeks older than Nolan, He is so cute and Nolan loves playing with him. It's weird to think that i only have less than a month left in Canada, I have told Charlie that I will be coming back this coming Christmas so my family can spend it with Nolan, Seeing as his family got to spend this Christmas with him.

I still cannot fathom not being able to walk or take the bus over to my grandmas and spend the day with them laughing, or call her to make up some story so we can go out and just shop together. I will miss my cottage and the long drives up there with my uncle, the heart to hearts we have and the laughter we share. Going down the driveway singing at the top of my lungs so I don't get eaten by a bear, or going across the road with him and shitting my pants at every little noise in the bush. Looking at the pictures of the animals that came to the feeder for the corn, It's the little things that I totally took for granted that I am going to miss the most. 

Watching how Nolan grows up and bonds with Sam and Georgia their dogs, I cannot bond with them I tried it hurts to much and makes me think of Finster and Rama, they were the most amazing dogs I ever knew. I still cannot look at a German Sheppard with out getting teary eyed. 

When Nolan and I go to walk into a Walmart, Nolan is going to expect to see my grandpa waiting their to give him a sticker as he greets us. I don't think I could have gotten any more blessed than what I am when it comes to my family, everything that I have been through with them has made me stronger and a way better person.

I am going to pay 2 extra months of rent just so that if I cannot deal with living in Georgia, I still have a house to call my own. I want to be happy and have a proper family I don't want Nolans father living in a different country.
But if it makes me miserable I am stuck on what the proper solution would be. Do I just put on a brave face? Do I come running home to the people I love and the people who have always been there for me? Do I just suck it up and look at it as it's probably better for Nolan in the long run? So many questions and I cannot ask the people who I care about the most for help on the answers as they don't want me to move.

I am a winter person not a fan of the heat at all I am the person who stays in all summer and comes out to play in the winter. There is no winter in Georgia, I am sorry but Christmas is not Christmas with out snow. I am going to bake and possibly wither up dehydrated due to the crazy ass heat. OHHHHHHH what to do?

Funny things Nolan does

I made ceaser salad tonight and told him to get the stinky feet cheese, He proceeded to grad the chedder and step on it then pick it up and sniff it, with a crinkled up nose looks at me and says EWWWWW GWOSSS.
His hamster bit him the other day it drew blood but was nothing serious, But now when you ask him where Ruby is he will tell you she bites and show you his finger.  He makes me laugh on a daily basis with the stuff he says and does he is quite the comedian and knows it. We were watching Lady and the Tramp yesterday, He got all bent out of shape because the dogs were fighting, He got up and yelled No Biting, Enough stop it, Stop biting. It was adorable! I hinted to my grandma today about moving there I think she knows but doesn't want to admit she does, We had a good talk about it though it kind of opened my eyes to a few things.

Slacking

I have kind of slacked on posting these last few days. Life has been quite hectic my son is in the Terrible Twos and they are terrible, he's into everything!! I am finding it so hard to discipline him, Don't get me wrong I will set boundaries but he's just so cute and sweet, Sometimes I have to do a double take to really know its my sweet little boy doing all this. So today I called the internet and phone company to tell them I would like to cancel the service for April 2nd, They tried to charge me cancellation fees when they don't offer the companies services in the U.S. But if I move to some random place waaaay up north where I am still in Canada but cannot connect with the services then they will wave the cancellation fees. Come on really you want me to pay because you guys don't offer service in another country that's not my fault!!!! I have come to the conclusion I am going to melt and half die of heat when I move to Georgia, I can bairly deal with Canada in the summer, I AM a winter person. I love the snow and everything you get to do tobogganing, Skiing, Skating, Snow angels, Making snowmen when ever you want. It's endless the amount of stuff you can do I will miss being able to do those things on a drop of a hat. Someday I think if only I could split myself in half and be both places, I could have it all it would be perfect.

Today was a much better day, I didn't stress as much about the next few months. Nolan helped me peel hard boiled eggs today, I think he ate more than he peeled but hey he's a growing little boy. I still have not found a new home for the two cats my mom dropped off when I was down south. The poor things just want to be loved and have a good home, I wish I could just bring them with me so they don't have to feel rejected by me as well. It must have been hard enough coming to this strange place.  My grandmother is watching Nolan this weekend and he is so excited when we wake up he asks for Amma, When I tell him she's at work he asks for Uncle Ray and I tell him the same that he is at work, Nolan actually huffs at me and furrows his eyebrows. He got this toy fishing rod for Christmas this year, He has found a new way to play with it by letting the line out and running around so the one cat chases him. There is so much excitement in his eyes that sometimes I wanna close mine and not look cause it makes my heart swell and I feel as though it could explode with love.

Well that's enough this morning I shall be back tomorrow

Trying not to think

Today was a small step for me I finally told my one friend, She was quite surprised and asked me why I would leave my family and friends as they are my support system. I had no answer only that I want my son to know his father. I am going to see my sister I think I am going to try and figure out a way to muster up the courage and tell her, Hopefully she takes it a bit better. I can't stop worrying about the what if's, what if we just don't connect it will have been 4 months since seeing each other, What if, What if, What if? I know I cannot base it on the what if's but man when one come fifty more follow. I pray I am making the right decision because if not and I come back I have to start from the bottom again and work my way up, I pray my family doesn't hate me and can forgive me for leaving, It's not like I will never talk to them again or see them again. I have been exceptionally blessed to have some of the most amazing family members any one could ever ask for! One day at a time cause for me and living in Canada it's running out so i better hurry up and figure this out.

Confused

I am at a super confusing point in my life. I have made the decision to move from Toronto, Canada to Georgia, U.S.A. I have not told my family as they do not like my boyfriend, we have been together for 4 years going on 5. We have a child together and I want him to be apart of his sons life, I just cannot find the words to tell my family that the flights booked. I want to go but I love my Grandparents and Uncle so much, they took me in when I wasn't wanted by my parents. They taught me so much, I love them more than words can say and knowing that they wouldn't think it's a good idea for me to move there is killing me, I don't want them to be disappointed in me. It hurts to see them be there and love my son the way they do, only for me to take him to live in another country. They have watched him grow up and just been amazing to him, I don't know how to tell them with out breaking their hearts and crushing them, I mean like we don't go more than 2 days without talking. I don't know what to do and it's eating me inside knowing and keeping it from them, but I know if I do tell them I won't be able to bring myself to go see them and watch them cry. I don't know what to do I am so confused!